There are two types of people we classify as haters. One is a critic who comes from a place of love, another is a legitimate hater — one coming from a place of fear or envy. To be criticized with negative intention means that you have aroused something within someone else such as jealousy or a feeling of inadequacy. In order for the hater to feel better and elevated somehow, they need to put other people down. When someone condemns our work, comments unkindly on our appearance, judges our parenting style or disapproves of any of our actions, it is a pure and total reflection of them, not us. Take relief and comfort that a critic’s words often have nothing to do with you at all.
Here are six reasons critics can be a good thing in your life:
1. It means you are doing something
In order to be criticized, it means you are taking action in some form. Aristotle said, “The only way to avoid criticism is to say nothing, do nothing and be nothing”.
2. It can make you better
When criticism is positively fuelled and constructive, we can improve, learn and grow. I love hearing thoughtful and useful feedback about my writing and coaching style. I take it all on board and use what works for me.
3. The person shows you who they really are
Negatively fueled critics show us who they really are — often-unfulfilled people who are therefore naturally unsupportive of your life’s path. The way they react to what you are doing is a reflection of how they feel about their own lives.
4. Critics reassure us that we are on the right track
The further you get in your life, the more critics you can expect. It means that people are paying attention to you. Steven Pressfield said that criticism is what you really want as a creative person, he calls it “the supreme compliment.”
5. You prove worthy of other people’s energy
When someone is talking about you it means that you are affecting them somehow. They are using their time and attention to talk about you. Funnily enough, being the subject of someone’s criticism can be a very flattering thing. If I may quote another fabulous person, Oscar Wilde famously said, “there is only one thing worse than being talked about…”.
6. It teaches you about yourself
I was so sensitive when I first started writing. I was shocked at the venom of online commenters. Sometimes some responses can be helpful as they point out something that I never considered or they highlight a different way of looking at something. But in the end, I have to approve of my work. The more confident I feel in who I am, the less influenced I am by other people. The way you let criticism impact you is a great barometer of how strong you are becoming.
There will always be people who disagree with you or who dislike your ideas and actions. Forgive them if they upset you. Remember that the road to success invites a lot of critics so the sooner you know what to take on board and what to release, the better. The fact that criticism exists at all also reminds us that all we can ever do is our best – speak our truth, deliver our greatest work and surrender the rest.
By Fattima Mahdi
It doesn’t matter what you say, how you behave or the way you act. People will talk. They always have. It’s just the way it is. Sure, you want to be liked, smiled at and applauded. You want people to like you. But, remember that the decisions you make will always be scrutinised by others. Therefore, it is important that you don’t allow other people’s opinions to define who you are.
It truly doesn’t matter what other people think of you, always trust your intuition. When you listen to your desires and dreams, you end up living a happier life. Live a life with passion and be confident in yourself. Follow your own dreams and live the life that you want, not the life that somebody else thinks you need.
Nobody will ever be as invested in your life as you. This is why you should always do what you know is right for you. Don’t base your decision on what other people think about what you’re doing. After all, you’re the one who has to live with the end result. When people give their suggestions, there is no risk for them. They don’t have to live with your choices – but you do.
What’s Right For Someone Else May Be Wrong For You. It is important to note that people’s opinions are often based on what they would do. We are all different and see the world through a different lens. We’re the product of different experiences, different upbringings and different values and beliefs. There is no right opinion because what’s right for them, may be completely wrong for you.
You Will Never Please Everyone
It’s literally impossible to please everyone. No matter what decision you make, some people will never approve of what you choose. There is always someone quick to judge your career path, what you do for your children, who your friends are and everything else in between. You will never ever please them all, so you might as well do what you feel is right. You have the freedom to approve your own choices and do the best for you and your family.
That’s all that matters.
Why are some people more happy than others? It looks like they’ve found what they love to do and have a consistent sense of peace and happiness. They see positive opportunities when most people see closed doors. They handle failures and setbacks with grace and confidently continue moving in their desired direction.
Don’t worry if you think this doesn’t sound like you. The good news is, you can be one of those people. Those characteristics are largely learned. I know this from personal experience. I’ve seen people go through hardships and depression and yet turn their life around purely through their actions and attitude.
Being happy is possible, no matter how dark your days are. Contrary to popular belief, being happy really doesn’t have much to do with “positive thinking”. It’s about cultivating a realistic attitude that embraces life as it is.
Finding lasting happiness is a lot like physical fitness. You have to work your muscles daily if you want to see results over time. So, if you’re looking for a nudge to get the ball rolling, here are 7 habits of authentically happy people.
1) They have at least 5 close relationships
Did you know that the longest Harvard study ever on happiness found that healthy relationships were the most consistent predictor of a happy person? Having a few close relationships has also been found to help us live a longer, higher quality life. True friends really are worth their weight in gold.
But why five relationships?
This has been found to be an acceptable average from a variety of studies. According to the book Finding Flow: “National surveys find that when someone claims to have 5 or more friends with whom they can discuss important problems, they are 60 percent more likely to say that they are ‘very happy’.”
However keep in mind that the actual number doesn’t necessarily matter that much, it is the effort you put into your relationships that matters.
2) They don’t tie your happiness to external events
A variety of research says that self-esteem that is bound to external success can be quite fickle. For example, if you tie your self-esteem to getting that job promotion, you’ll experience a small boost when you get it, but it won’t last long.
Tying your happiness to external events can also lead to behavior which avoids failure. The key may be to think of yourself less as this C.W Lewis quote says to avoid the trap of tying your self-worth to external signals.
3) They exercise
It’s been proven over and over. Exercise will make you feel better if you stick with it. Body image improves as a result of exercise and eventually you’ll begin to experience that “exercise high” thanks to the release of endorphins. It doesn’t matter which physical activity you do, just as long as you do something.
4) They become good at something
Happy people generally have something that they’re “good at”. A skill they’ve honed over the years. People report that even though it may have been tough to improve their skills at something, they are satisfied with themselves when they look back.
The rewards of becoming great at something far outweigh the short-term discomfort.
5) They spend more money on experiences
According to a fair amount of research, experiential purchases tend to make us happier than spending money on material goods. This could be because experiences are something you’ll remember forever, they’re social and they’re unique. Nobody in the world will have the same exact experience you had.
6) They don’t ignore negative emotions
Yes, it’s common for most of us to resist emotions like sadness. But the truth you need sadness if you’re going to have happiness. And resisting these emotions will only turn into something more ugly down the road. Perhaps master Buddhist Pema Chödrön says it best:
“…feelings like disappointment, embarrassment, irritation, resentment, anger, jealousy, and fear, instead of being bad news, are actually very clear moments that teach us where it is that we’re holding back. They teach us to perk up and lean in when we feel we’d rather collapse and back away. They’re like messengers that show us, with terrifying clarity, exactly where we’re stuck. This very moment is the perfect teacher, and, lucky for us, it’s with us wherever we are.”
7) They are busy, but not rushed
Research shows that if you constantly feel rushed, then you’ll feel miserable. On the other hand, studies suggest that have nothing to do can also takes its toll.
The best is when you’re living a productive life but at a comfortable pace. Meaning: You should be expanding your comfort zone, but not so much that you feel overwhelmed. The best advice here is to say no to things that you’re not excited about, and yes to things that you can say “hell yeah!” to.